How peeing on metal changed my life.

I was sitting in a classroom full of metal artists as I listened to a man with a respectable beard happily talk in detail about how he peed on his metalwork. It was a part of re-creating an ancient technique for a grant he had received.  A really big grant.  He got to go to Scotland or something to pee on said metal.     

            This falls into the category of life altering moments for me. 

            Let me explain.  This grant had taken him to another country and the work he had gotten to do sounded absolutely thrilling, but what stuck in my squirrel brain was: this man peed on metal and got a grant.  All the other accomplishments in this project are a blur to me.    

            I have had the privilege of getting to meet lots of really fantastic artists.  Some of them are super grassroots.  They do it because they love it and learned everything just buckled up for the ride along the way (like me).  And some are more academic and went to school for their art, they show their work at galleries and have gotten a grant or two to do some important cool stuff. 

            Because all this art stuff was a happy accident for me, I am fascinated by the academic art world.  Getting a gallery showing and a grant sounds like you have "arrived" and can now "be taken seriously".  More than that, the experience sounds super cool.  It's not about an end goal of a checked box on the accomplishment page, it's the exciting journey some people get to be on because they decide to put one foot in front of the other. 

            Sometimes I hear other people's stories and I think, how did that happen to them and why can't I do that?  Why can't I pee on metal and get a grant that lets me do it in Scotland? 

            Well, maybe because I have never tried for a grant (and let's just put this out there-I also don't pee on metal).  That could be a reason.  I have not gotten a grant to do something cool because I have not been brave enough to write a proposal, nor have I made time to work towards grant writing.  I have not stepped into the ring, so there's not a chance it will come my way.

            Instead of just watching from the sidelines, I decided to lean into some of these things that felt like unchecked boxes to me and I'm learning some new stuff, so here's what I'm telling myself: 

• Waiting until something is perfect will mean that it never happens.  There will never be the perfect amount of time to get something done.  Things that we care greatly about will never seem perfectly finished. We will never feel perfect enough to be ready for something that scares us.  Often the amazing part of something finished is not that it is perfect but merely that it got done and out there.         
• No is never the final answer.  When we hear a no to something we love and have a passion for, it can burn our soul.  However, someone's no is not more valuable than your dream.  They are just another imperfect human being, who does not happen to be pickin up what you are layin down.  Try again.  Successful dreams are just the result of people who didn't get crushed by no.  No only has as much power as we are willing to give it.   
   
• For something to happen, we have to go out and make it happen.  No one will beg us to make something amazing, start a business, write a book, be their friend, etc.  It takes time and effort and sacrifice.  It's not magic.  There is no fairy of awesome that will boop us on the head. 

            One of the things I decided to do with all these thoughts was apply for a grant.  I gave myself an unreasonably short time to finish it. Because I have had heard how you usually don't get your first grant and how hard it is to write them I didn't want to suffer through it and not want to try again.  I finished what felt like a ridiculous proposal because it didn't feel perfect and I sent it in without second guessing myself.

            And I got it.

            And I promised them a safety video so again, I sent in what felt like a very imperfect video, finished it, put it out there. 

            And they loved it so much they featured it on their web site and used it in a board meeting, and it got shared, which all totally freaked me out.  My big face on someone's computer is not a peaceful happy thought for me.

            But what a fun experience, and so many good things sprouted sideways from this one thing that I didn't expect.  One  example of a happy side effect was I completely reorganized my work space which made my work so much easier and why didn't I do that years ago??

              On a really serious note, we have had many people so so dear to us die recently and unexpectedly that I'm not trying to be cliché in saying that life is too short and precious to ignore our passions.  Dreams are there for a reason and often when we chase them we end up inspiring, helping, moving along, bettering others in the journey so it is also not selfish.  It is a blessing to our community of peeps. 

            I don't want to just sit back and watch other people do all the brave stuff and have all the fun and life experiences.  Do you?  Is there something on your heart that feels unfulfilled, requires bravery and time and that you would be soooooo proud of yourself if you got out there and did it?  I'm cheering you on!  Go get it! 

            So in my continuing efforts to be brave, put the work in, accept imperfection and follow dreams that are on my heart, I am starting a blog. 

            No, it doesn't have a name.  No, I don't feel qualified or smart enough to write words that people might read.  Yes, I am tender about it and scared and I wonder if I am making a mistake. 

            It doesn't matter because my heart has wanted to do this for a very long time.  I have felt called to it and I have ignored it for years.  No just can't be my answer anymore.  So if you have read all of this, BLESS YOU. 

            Here we go...